Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
