How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
