The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
