I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The uberlube is also flammable
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
