I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
