my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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