and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
