It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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