THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
