I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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