Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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