Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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