Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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