But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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