Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
