Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my shit smells like andre
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
