his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
