I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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