Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
