wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
