I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
