Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
