WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
