just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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