I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
