you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
