fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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