There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
