we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I faked an abortion last night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
