You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
