oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A+ Viking dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
