Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
