I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
