Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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