Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
