Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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