wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
