My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You ruined the universe
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
