How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
