she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
