I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
