If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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