I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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