Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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