so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
