I hate all girls vehemently.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Small penises have feelings too.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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