Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
