So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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