I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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