I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
