Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
