If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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