just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Floor bacon is actually really good
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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