So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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