Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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